8 Parenting Mantras for Parents of Twins

The only perfect parents exist in books and fairy tales. The kinds that give it all to their kids, who are never angry or venting out on the child, and making the world happen for their little one. But as shared, it’s a myth, or just an ideal situation at it’s best! Every parent I know is struggling on a daily basis. Each parent enjoys moments of pride and moments when they are questioning themselves! A lot of us are first time parents, leaving us with little or no experience in managing various parenting challenges. But gradually, everyone manages to stay afloat. Here are some Mantras of parenting that I definitely go by. These mantras help me keep my mind sane on difficult days. Let me know if these 8 parenting Mantras work for you !

#1 – I’m a parent, not a friend

Every parent likes to tell their growing child, that they are their friends. I do that too. But there are many occasions when I quit being their friend, because I am not one! There are times when a parent has to take the high road in order to discipline or teach an important lesson to the child. Putting yourself in the ‘forever nice’ zone with your child will only leave you with difficult situations, wondering when did this spiral out of control.

It is important to be friendly with your child, there’s no denying that. But let your child know that the friendship will break if they do not discipline themselves as and when required.

 

#2 – Different child, different treatment

I am a parent of twins…and they share nothing except their birth date and parents. There are squabbles or even war through the day. In fact if there are moments of silence, they are scarier than the noise. But reality is that they are both poles apart in their behavior Different things motivate them and different things seem like punishment to them.

If you have 2 or more children, you know what I am talking about.

Every child is different, even if it is twins, or siblings, or cousins. If you have a matter at hand where you have to discipline or even praise and motivate your children, you may need different methods to get your message across.

For example, if I have to praise Ishu, I have to give him a big long hug, and Kiss him and just look him in the eye and say – I’m very proud of you.

but if I have to praise Mishu, I have to be more physical. He needs to be held and rocked. He needs to just sit in my lap for several minutes, not spoken to, not touched or stroked. He will finally move a bit away and turn and kiss me, that’s a sign that I can talk to him and he will listen. So, it is crucial that we, as parents, realize their differences and work with them accordingly.

#3 – Partner has to be in the same loop

Massively ignored is the role of your partner in parenting. Truly, one parent makes more parenting decisions than the other. But avoid getting in to the state where only One parent is making all the decisions. It is helpful to discuss strategies, next steps, or even considering the difference in point of view or parenting methodologies of both parents

For very important matters, say like decision of a school or so, partners should sit out and discuss matters pertaining to their children. Other times, if one parent is taking a strategy, do not interrupt them in between. This could express to the child that the parent has limited or no authority over them. Probably discuss differences in approaches when the kids are not around.

#4 – Moments of goof

Spending some absolutely meaningless and silly time with your kids is also important. May be a few minutes of cuddling, or making funny faces with them, creating a mess, or anything that you usually say no to. These activities are best when it comes to building a stronger bond as the more you make them laugh, the more they will love you!

#5 – Individual time

Especially with twins, it is paramount that you spend bonding time with each of them, individually. It could be just talking about the day, or simply getting to know what they like or dislike, or would prefer to eat for lunch. It helps children bond better with you, which can in turn help to engage and educate them better.

#6 – Don’t focus on being right

As a parent, we always want to be right in our approach. But the truth is that there isn’t one right strategy for parenting. We often feel influenced about what someone else is doing and want to replicate those patterns, or wonder why one person’s child is far more cooperative than ours. Every child needs different kinds of interventions and hence, one approach cannot work for all sorts of situations. Parenting is more of a custom-made plan than a one-size-fits-all approach

#7 – Find a vent, not your child

Anger is a natural human emotion. It is quite likely that you will lose your cool more often than you intend to. But with being a parent, we sometimes let go off our guards and vent out on children, irrespective of it being their fault. That’s a massive mistake. Venting out your anger on your child without it being their fault at all is far more damaging than one can see.

#8 – Find a Muse

As a parent, especially as a mother, we tend to feel trapped in our home bound roles. Sometimes, we feel like there is just no escape from our everyday work load and managing the kids. It is therefore essential that we find friend or hobbies  that can keep us busy elsewhere.

Hobbies or friends can help us distract from strong situations where we feel trapped or stuck. A small conversation, or a 30 minute hobby video can do wonders to our health.

 

If you liked reading this article, you may also like: 5 THINGS TO KNOW FOR BEING A FAIR PARENT


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About the Author: mummasaurus

Wife to one, Mom to two and a friend to a hundred. Good, bad, awesome and horrible, all in one! Been through depression myself, I value the power of Entertainment and HUmor in our everyday life. That is why i choose to write about lighter, fun topics more than all the difficulties I went through! I'm Crazy Mom of Twin Boys, my TWINADOES - Chirag and Chitransh ...! Together we learn new things and explore new meltdown points of each other... I don't look for friends anymore, for I have personally given birth to my monster partners of Crime!!! A trained Counseling Psychologist by qualification, I am now a Quirky SAHM and a Creative Content Writer, whose world revolves around an awesome husband and 2 ruckus makers.

18 Comments

  1. Your first pointer and my conclusion is the same. I assert that i am your mother but yes, can become the friend she needs whenever she genuinely needs me. I am sure, parenting twins is a mammoth task especially when kids are really young. I loved your parenting mantras. Also, enjoying participation in the blog train.

  2. Aaah finally I meet someone who tells me that as a mother, I can’t be my kids friend always. Occassionally may be, but mostly not. And yes, I have two kids and I know what you are talking about. Mine do not even share a birth date. And they are at logger heads most of the time. I choose to stay away and just pitch in to tell them that they need to sort it out on their own

  3. You have encapsulated many of my feelings as a parent in this post. It’s a wonderful list. I especially agree about taking some time out for yourself in a day. #momology

  4. Every age comes with a different handling method. Usually parents try to be friends with teenagers and strict when they are young.
    I completely agree that we should not see kids as a vent.
    #Momology #MothersGurukulreads

  5. Very sensible pointers prisha for every parent. I too am of the opinion that a parent is not a child’s friend, parents can make a child comfortable so that he shares things with them but a friend is a friend. Also the venting thing is so bang on, as it happens to most of us.

  6. Great pointers and I think you had concluded the summery of effective parenting mantras so well in a single post. I need to work on first point..I often treat my girls as my friends and this over flexible behaviour create sometimes difficulty in managing tricky situations. loved to be a part of this awesome momolgy blog train.

  7. such a relatable post, my post also has some couple of similar points being – parent first and then individual time. many times as parents we forget these essential but basic points

  8. These are useful pointers and relatable for any mom. Will surely share it with moms of twins. Thanks for sharing!

  9. perfect as ever.. I love your writings the most for the crisp and bingo at the point everytime. Well i recently started few of these and seriously, life is better with them

  10. I really love the stand that you take as a mother, Prisha. That you aren’t your children’s friend. Gosh, this fallacy has derailed the upbringing of so many kids who grow up to be brats. I believe the same & strongly feel that as parents, we need to be good mentors & not peers.

    And I appreciate you for bringing up the point that for a healthy parenting journey, co-parents should keep differences incognito from the kids. As individuals, we cannot agree with each other all the time; nevertheless that shouldn’t be a weakness to flaunt in front of children.

    And as you say, finding a ‘me’ time, catching up with friends, nourishing a hobby or some simple crazy fun time is sometimes all that it takes to forget all woes that parenting overwhelm can bring about.

    This has to be one of the best & consolidate post I’ve bumped into about parenting burnout.

  11. I can totally understand how it feels like parenting twins or 2 kids, it’s like double the trouble & even double the fun. Very valid points especially about finding a vent & not throwing up all the anger & frustration on kids.

  12. Most of us like to think of yourselves as our kids’ friends, but you are right. We need to be friendly but firm. There is a difference between being a friend and being a friendly / approachable parent

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