My Dearest Twinadoes,
I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and everything else! When I thought I should write a letter to you, in all honesty I was really confused. Sometimes I feel that I speak and connect with you all day, there is barely anything that I haven’t said to you. I hope you realize how I am so madly in awe of you – of how your eyelashes are so gorgeous, and how your hair is just a piece of cloud, how much I adore the zillions of kisses you give me every day and how it keeps me happy & alive.
But then I realized, there are so many things I haven’t said out loud – to you or to anyone else for that matter.
You know, IshMish, I am very scared, every single day. At least thrice a day, a “what if??” scenario goes around in my head. The worst things possible play in my head and I have to physically stop myself from overthinking imaginary situations. But I will not deny, the fear is real.
I am so, so afraid of what I see around me every day. Children getting lost, getting kidnapped, being assaulted, murdered, forced into inhuman jobs, and exploited. On the other hand, I see little happy kids growing up to become teens who do not say a word to anyone and take extreme steps – suicides, drugs, illegal activities, and incessant lifestyle disorderliness, all of it leading to disasters no one can compensate.
You know, my little, little babies, I wish I can protect you from all these evils. I know, I have been a rebel in my own time, and with the genes, I passed on to you, I do know my journey is far from easy. But I hope I continue to have this connection with you. May you always have a friend you can confide in, may you always have a confidant who will pull you out of an insane situation. May I give you the affirmation that you are loved, you are essential, and that your sheer brilliance and bravery will get you through even the hardest situations. May I be able to instill faith in God, and get you a righteous voice in your heart that is always with you.
When these thoughts come to my mind, I pray every moment, that may you two be enough for each other. May you always be half and half of my firstborn, instead of two different entities. May you always stick together and guide each other in hard times, even if parents feel like a far stretch.
I know, I’m thinking all negative here. But ask any woman grown up in India of the ’90s, she will tell you she carries each of these fears with her. Every time she steps out of the house, she is constantly vigilant of the people on the road, is someone following her? Is someone stalking her? why is the stranger approaching? Does he have some poisonous drug on the address paper he produced? We step out wondering if the person I’m talking to, the person I’m hanging out with, will be my murderer or my rapist? Will he kill me or leave me to die? And we will never say it, but we have questioned every single person we have seen in our entire life – from the rikshaw wala, to our boss, to our close relative or even friend.
I know this is a rather depressing letter. But you know, I say happy things to you every day and I feel that this side of me, these fears, are communicated too. So someday when I tell you that you can’t be out of home beyond 8 PM, you will understand. When I frantically call you and you see my missed calls, you will understand. When I check and taste everything that comes your way, you will understand. If I voice my concern over a certain friend of yours, you will understand. You will understand the fear behind these rational-irrational actions, and that this fear comes because I love you two more than my own being.
I hope, well in time, that God protects you even when I cannot, that your brother is always there for you, even when I’m not, That the voice in your heart is always right, and always protective of you, even when I’m not.
Maybe I will never hand you this letter, But maybe this space helped me vent out fears that all of us carry, but none of us talk about.
Take care, and always think before you act my little babies!
May you never grow too old to talk and connect with your Mumma!
I love You, and I can never say it enough times.
Lots of huge Hugs, Bro,
This Letter is a part of two campaigns. This is my blog entry for the #LetsBlogWithPri S2 week 5, and also an entry towards the Instagram campaign by Ashish from Pappablogs.
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