Hoot Hoot!! Welcome on board the Blog Train on “My Parenting Mantra”.
Some awesome bloggers are driving the Blog Train for over a month. And we have promised to bring you some enriching blogs that will add to your own parenting experience. Hope we have done it successfully. If you are curious to know about our blogger moms driving this blog train, you can read here. Big thanks to an amazing blogger mom Vasantha Vivek from My Sweet Nothings for introducing me.
My Parenting Mantra for my Twins
Everything about twins is a little different from a singleton or two siblings some time apart. The strategies in parenting and handling two kids with somewhat similar sensibilities is not an easy feat. To make matters worse, fewer people have twins and so what works and what does not, is usually just a trial and error strategy.
While I love to have those crazy playful times with my twins, where we just let unstructured things happen, I also am a bit stringent about certain values and mantras that I want my parenting to consist of. What they are…? Let’s know here:-
Not Two, I have One child
I have a pair of twins, but I like to consider that as having one single child. I believe I do not have two children, but two halves that make One. My husband and I intend to bring them up in a manner that they have a sense of unison, of being together, of being there to complete and compliment each other.
Even at this tender age, their lives are totally entwined. If even one of them is away for a while, the other is restless. They can very well manage without each other and have grown to be absolutely different kind of individuals, but any given day, they prefer company than being alone.
I like to dress them alike, signifying a unity of beings, that they are two parts of the same thing… the thing named my Heart.
My parenting Mantra #1 is to treat them like a Union, a Unison, and not two while respecting their Individual growth and achievements at the same time.
2. Pour from an empty glass
Take a pitcher, an absolutely empty pitcher. Now try pouring out a glass of water from it. Weird, isn’t it? How can you pour out something from an empty source? It’s impossible, right?
We, as mothers, often ignore ourselves. We eat left overs or may be just some bread because we are too tired to cook again. It’s our job to remember everyone’s medicines but we skip ours because we are already in bed and too tired to get up anymore. There are countless times in every single day that we ignore our health due to fatigue and workload but is that really a great idea? Definitely Not.
How can you continue to nourish from a source that has not been replenished since ever? How can you provide from an empty or a scanty resource?
My parenting Mantra #2 is to take care of yourself first so that you can seamlessly take care of the clan.
3. Fail till you deserve to win.
Every mother wants their children to win, and I do too for my twins, but I want them to fail in some of their endeavors so their success becomes of more value. While I’d pray that things aren’t too hard for them, but I’d also like them to not have everything way too easy.
My parenting Mantra #3 is to help them learn better and accept defeat.
4. Let them learn to deal with Dejection
I love my twins, I absolutely do! But I also let them cry on days when they are extremely hurt when I have said no to something. They’d cry to get their way out. To be dejected and to deal with negative emotions is an important lesson in life. Nothing is going to be served to them on a golden platter in life. Even when they compete in school, they wouldn’t necessarily bag the first prize or even the first 3 for that matter. Those battles are going to be primarily theirs. While I can stay there and comfort them, what goes on in their heart is something that they have to manage on their own entirely.
On difficult days when they want something and I cannot let them have it, they cry to get it. I hug them and still say no. I hold them close and try to explain my choices. We do everything but give in to their choices, because NOs are important.
To be able to cry, howl, scream and eventually calm themselves down is an important life lesson and I want them to learn it early on.
My parenting Mantra #4 is to help them learn to overcome dejection & negative feelings.
5. Learn To Share
For me, learning to share is an important mantra. There are days when we have 2 of everything, two EXACT SAME things, but they would still fight for just one of those. I hate to be in those situations because honestly, who do you ask to back down?
I always try to encourage my children to share whatever they have. Even if one has finished his treat earlier, they share. We sometimes buy just one item so that we can make them share and value their possessions. It also helps build better bonds and creates lesser fights.
My parenting Mantra #5 is to help them learn to share everything, even their most favorite.
6. There are Maggi days, live with it
There are days when you can’t keep up. May be you missed to get their homework done, may be you missed to give them a medicine dose, may be you fed them Maggi and put them to sleep.
It really is!
Forgive yourself for such days. You are but human and nowhere does it say that every day has to be an ‘ideal’ day. There are hits and there are misses, and we should learn to be fine with them, instead of getting into a guilt trip.
My parenting Mantra #6 is to help myself learn to let it go on some days.
7. My Relationships should not affect theirs
I may have a certain equation with someone in the family, but that should not affect my children’s relationships with them. I may be very fond of someone, while they may not; and I may not be fond of someone but if my kids love them, I’d never try to influence them otherwise.
I believe that my kids have the right to choose who they want to love. I don’t want them to be biased basis someone else’s opinion, even if that opinion is mine. However, these choices are limited to members of immediate family, for everyone outside this circle, my scrutiny works best.
My parenting Mantra #7 is to help them learn to decide about their relationships on their own.
I hope you liked reading what my Parenting Mantra is. Don’t forget to read what our first blogger mom Shubhada Bhide who blogs at The Rainbow Diaries and know what she has to say about her Parenting Mantra here. Also, do leave me a comment and let me know your opinions.
Your posts are so relatable indeed.
Beautiful mantras…I was always scared of the fact..what if I am blessed with twins ..how will I handle…but with guidance like these I would have coped well with the situation 🙂
Hopefully, though, no two parents are the same! We all develop our own strategies 🙂
Love your mantras! I agree that we need to put ourselves first too at times!!! Loved the empty pitcher example!
So mUch I get to learn from your parenting mantra and I think all points are so apt for learning from failure, ability to take decision… much needed for kids personality
Love the way you write this Beautiful post .. kudos to u..
Love these mantras…Beautiful post 🙂
I really like how much thought you have put and how much of introspection you’ve done 🙂
I love the “pour from an empty glass” bit. Never thought of it like that before. Also it is great that you are letting them form their own relationships unbiased by your own history with that person. Great going mamma!
Loved the second pointer Prisha! I am so lazy after cooking sometimes, that I don’t even feel like getting up to serve myself
Nice blog post
you select each of your points very carefully – very helpful
Nice Writeup… i loved the part where you say that we should let them fail.
Loved your mantra . It is good that you are teaching them to deal with dejection. It will help them in a long way.
An amazing way of bringing up twins… i know it is soo hard to do that!!
Thanks for sharing.
Teaching them to accept defeat and dejection is very important. Well said mama👍 Lovely parenting mantra🙌
Loved this read.. the mantras are so thoughtful and so practical! Love your parenting style Mummasaurus
It is indeed tough to Parent twins. the best mantra I liked is that you would give the freedom to your children to build their own relationship and will not put them under pressure by influencing them .
Just loved your post. I really like your parenting mantra. Kids should learn to accept rejections and failure in their life. Having twins is a toughest task to be their mom. You are giving good and worthy teachings to your kids.
So glad to learn a completely different perspective to parenting
Refill your cup is an excellent mantra to have.You are doing an excellent job with twins. Keep it up
Amazing mantras! some we can easily opt for our own children, irrespective of them being twins or not 🙂
You have an amazing experience with twins. These are useful ideas to handle them.