The only perfect parents exist in books and fairy tales. The kinds that give it all to their kids, who are never angry or venting out on the child, and making the world happen for their little one. But as shared, it’s a myth, or just an ideal situation at it’s best! Every parent I know is struggling on a daily basis. Each parent enjoys moments of pride and moments when they are questioning themselves! A lot of us are first time parents, leaving us with little or no experience in managing various parenting challenges. But gradually, everyone manages to stay afloat. Here are some Mantras of parenting that I definitely go by. These mantras help me keep my mind sane on difficult days. Let me know if these 8 parenting Mantras work for you !
#1 – I’m a parent, not a friend
Every parent likes to tell their growing child, that they are their friends. I do that too. But there are many occasions when I quit being their friend, because I am not one! There are times when a parent has to take the high road in order to discipline or teach an important lesson to the child. Putting yourself in the ‘forever nice’ zone with your child will only leave you with difficult situations, wondering when did this spiral out of control.
It is important to be friendly with your child, there’s no denying that. But let your child know that the friendship will break if they do not discipline themselves as and when required.
#2 – Different child, different treatment
I am a parent of twins…and they share nothing except their birth date and parents. There are squabbles or even war through the day. In fact if there are moments of silence, they are scarier than the noise. But reality is that they are both poles apart in their behavior Different things motivate them and different things seem like punishment to them.
If you have 2 or more children, you know what I am talking about.
Every child is different, even if it is twins, or siblings, or cousins. If you have a matter at hand where you have to discipline or even praise and motivate your children, you may need different methods to get your message across.
For example, if I have to praise Ishu, I have to give him a big long hug, and Kiss him and just look him in the eye and say – I’m very proud of you.
but if I have to praise Mishu, I have to be more physical. He needs to be held and rocked. He needs to just sit in my lap for several minutes, not spoken to, not touched or stroked. He will finally move a bit away and turn and kiss me, that’s a sign that I can talk to him and he will listen. So, it is crucial that we, as parents, realize their differences and work with them accordingly.
#3 – Partner has to be in the same loop
Massively ignored is the role of your partner in parenting. Truly, one parent makes more parenting decisions than the other. But avoid getting in to the state where only One parent is making all the decisions. It is helpful to discuss strategies, next steps, or even considering the difference in point of view or parenting methodologies of both parents
For very important matters, say like decision of a school or so, partners should sit out and discuss matters pertaining to their children. Other times, if one parent is taking a strategy, do not interrupt them in between. This could express to the child that the parent has limited or no authority over them. Probably discuss differences in approaches when the kids are not around.
#4 – Moments of goof
Spending some absolutely meaningless and silly time with your kids is also important. May be a few minutes of cuddling, or making funny faces with them, creating a mess, or anything that you usually say no to. These activities are best when it comes to building a stronger bond as the more you make them laugh, the more they will love you!
#5 – Individual time
Especially with twins, it is paramount that you spend bonding time with each of them, individually. It could be just talking about the day, or simply getting to know what they like or dislike, or would prefer to eat for lunch. It helps children bond better with you, which can in turn help to engage and educate them better.
#6 – Don’t focus on being right
As a parent, we always want to be right in our approach. But the truth is that there isn’t one right strategy for parenting. We often feel influenced about what someone else is doing and want to replicate those patterns, or wonder why one person’s child is far more cooperative than ours. Every child needs different kinds of interventions and hence, one approach cannot work for all sorts of situations. Parenting is more of a custom-made plan than a one-size-fits-all approach
#7 – Find a vent, not your child
Anger is a natural human emotion. It is quite likely that you will lose your cool more often than you intend to. But with being a parent, we sometimes let go off our guards and vent out on children, irrespective of it being their fault. That’s a massive mistake. Venting out your anger on your child without it being their fault at all is far more damaging than one can see.
#8 – Find a Muse
As a parent, especially as a mother, we tend to feel trapped in our home bound roles. Sometimes, we feel like there is just no escape from our everyday work load and managing the kids. It is therefore essential that we find friend or hobbies that can keep us busy elsewhere.
Hobbies or friends can help us distract from strong situations where we feel trapped or stuck. A small conversation, or a 30 minute hobby video can do wonders to our health.
If you liked reading this article, you may also like: 5 THINGS TO KNOW FOR BEING A FAIR PARENT
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